The Fox Spirit:
True Tale of a Strange Encounter
How Fox Came to Walk with Me
_Since my childhood I had a special relationship with the fox. At times it seemed it was haunting me, at other times it was a protector who gave warning. The fox has shown up in my life again and again but it did so in such an unobtrusive manner, almost always staying in the background, that I didn't see the pattern emerging until I actually began to write this article, prompted by a strange experience with a fox spirit that has been puzzling and intriguing me for many years.
I first met fox in early childhood. My father was in the military and his idea of bringing up children was in many ways a form of trauma-based mind control. Among the things I had to endure were marches of 20 km, ice cold showers, being made to smell on gun cleaner, a daily regimen of chin-ups etc, being forced to eat garden snails and scare attacks in the night -- all of this when I was but four years old. He used to tell me scary tales of wolves and foxes and then come into my room at night pinching me everywhere and growling like a wolf. One time he took me to the forest at night and hid behind a tree, leaving me alone in the dark, as food for the wolves, so I thought. Even though I was only four years old then I still remember this scene very clearly, the pale moonlight filtering through the trees and the eerie silence interrupted by the odd cracking of a twig and the occasional rustling of leaves. In spite of all his scare tactics he never succeeded in instilling fear of foxes in me, in fact the fox had become an icon of cleverness for me, and a symbol of my resistance. Like my secret friend the fox I could not be tamed and would make use of any opportunity to escape the control my father exerted over me.
One beautiful autumn day my father took me for a walk in the woods. Suddenly a large fox jumped out of a ditch and nearly in my face, then ran off at lightning speed. It was unusual to see a fox so close up, and especially one of such size, for it was well over a meter long including the tail. My father remarked on how strange it was that the fox had let us come so close. Looking back I think it wanted me to see it, wanted to give me a sign that it was there in my life, protecting me.
Later, in my early teens I read a book about a fox family that was slowly decimated by cruel hunters. I totally sympathised with the foxes and was heartbroken over the sad fate of the fox cubs. Funny enough, I myself was often called "Red Fox" as a derogatory nickname by other children. Though it was meant as an insult I bore the name proudly. Life went on, I grew up, left home and forgot all about foxes, as I struggled to make a living and find my place in life. I had a strong desire to be a Yoga teacher and so in 1989 my partner and I traveled to Canada for a four weeks intensive Yoga teacher training course. It was then that fox made his appearance in my life again. And what an appearance it was! It could easily be classified as one of the strangest and maybe scariest encounters I ever had.
I first met fox in early childhood. My father was in the military and his idea of bringing up children was in many ways a form of trauma-based mind control. Among the things I had to endure were marches of 20 km, ice cold showers, being made to smell on gun cleaner, a daily regimen of chin-ups etc, being forced to eat garden snails and scare attacks in the night -- all of this when I was but four years old. He used to tell me scary tales of wolves and foxes and then come into my room at night pinching me everywhere and growling like a wolf. One time he took me to the forest at night and hid behind a tree, leaving me alone in the dark, as food for the wolves, so I thought. Even though I was only four years old then I still remember this scene very clearly, the pale moonlight filtering through the trees and the eerie silence interrupted by the odd cracking of a twig and the occasional rustling of leaves. In spite of all his scare tactics he never succeeded in instilling fear of foxes in me, in fact the fox had become an icon of cleverness for me, and a symbol of my resistance. Like my secret friend the fox I could not be tamed and would make use of any opportunity to escape the control my father exerted over me.
One beautiful autumn day my father took me for a walk in the woods. Suddenly a large fox jumped out of a ditch and nearly in my face, then ran off at lightning speed. It was unusual to see a fox so close up, and especially one of such size, for it was well over a meter long including the tail. My father remarked on how strange it was that the fox had let us come so close. Looking back I think it wanted me to see it, wanted to give me a sign that it was there in my life, protecting me.
Later, in my early teens I read a book about a fox family that was slowly decimated by cruel hunters. I totally sympathised with the foxes and was heartbroken over the sad fate of the fox cubs. Funny enough, I myself was often called "Red Fox" as a derogatory nickname by other children. Though it was meant as an insult I bore the name proudly. Life went on, I grew up, left home and forgot all about foxes, as I struggled to make a living and find my place in life. I had a strong desire to be a Yoga teacher and so in 1989 my partner and I traveled to Canada for a four weeks intensive Yoga teacher training course. It was then that fox made his appearance in my life again. And what an appearance it was! It could easily be classified as one of the strangest and maybe scariest encounters I ever had.
Encounter with a Fox Spirit
After
our Yoga training course we had a few days left to spend in Canada. We
had rented a car and were exploring the region of Quebec. There was an
island surrounded by two branches of a river, a green and lush
place that attracted us. (I think this might have been the Ile
d'Orleans). Some time in the afternoon we began to look for a place to
stay. We came to a small campsite, and I would have liked to stay there
overnight, but my partner didn't like the idea at all. He always
mistrusted people and worried that there could be some "bad guys"
around. So we drove on. We were chanting spiritual songs and were in
really good mood and high spirits. Towards evening we came to a church, a
solitary building in the middle of nowhere. I immediately had a strange
feeling when I saw it, though I couldn't say why then. Looking back
this feeling was the same feeling that I usually get when I am near a
haunted house or place.
We went inside the church and prayed for a while even though neither of us followed the Christian faith. But we both believed God is One beyond the many forms and names. I have prayed in all kind of temples and places of worship, and believe that God is everywhere and will hear me as long as my prayers are sincere. And so we meditated and prayed for some time, then we lit a couple of candles and left the church. By now it was near dusk. As we were on a low budget and still hadn't found a place to sleep, my partner suggested to park the car somewhere and sleep in the car for one night. Across the road from the church was another building, the only other building in the area that I can remember. It appeared to be a library but it was closed. We parked the car there and talked for a while in the car. It was a peaceful place with the library giving shelter on one side and nature and many trees around. It was nice being in a nature area and not in a city for a change. I have always hated cities, the noise and pollution, and the many hectic minds. Being in nature is like a healing balm for my soul. Though camping would have been my preference, I was okay with sleeping in the car for one night.
Darkness came really quickly. A breeze came up and the wind swayed the trees. Suddenly I became very afraid. Something didn't feel right, something scary and supernatural was around. In the dark the trees loomed like monstrous shapes. My imagination was running wild and I began to "see" things. I recognised this as my magical frame of mind and immediately tried to curb it. Because I knew from experience that my thoughts have the power to call and manifest beings and that was the last thing I wanted out there in the dark and in the middle of nowhere. I was terrified when I had to leave the car for a pee, even though I stayed very close to the car and my partner. This unreasonable fear was very unusual for me as I normally thrive on adventure and sleeping outdoors. Quite often during our travels my partner was the one who was worried about camping in lonely places. He always muttered about psychopaths and used to sleep with a knife under his pillow, just in case. I never worried a thing and always found his behaviour quite amusing. The oppressive and scary feeling grew to a near intolerable level. I hurried to get back inside the car. I said nothing of my fears and premonitions to my partner as I didn't want to freak him out.
After locking the doors from the inside we settled down to sleep: my partner on the back seat and I across the two front seats. It was difficult for me to find a comfortable position as the gear stick was in the way. We stuffed some clothes in the gap between the two seats to make it more comfortable, but I still couldn't find a comfortable position and was tossing and turning for a long time while my partner snored happily. Finally I too managed to fall asleep. I must have been really tired because I immediately fell into a very deep dreamless sleep. By nature I am a light sleeper and the slightest sound or anything unusual will normally wake me up immediately. But not that night...
Something disturbed me in my deep sleep. Something scratched across my right cheek. It felt as if fingernails were being raked over my cheek while something soft and furry tickled my nose. The feeling was similar to my cats pawing my face and maybe that was why I at first ignored it. Also, I was too tired to be bothered. But then it came again, insistent and quite demanding, scratching over my cheek and my nose. This time the scratching was mildly painful. But I was still too drowsy to rouse myself. When for the third time I felt something scratching over my cheek and something fluffy tickling my nose I got annoyed and slowly opened my eyes to see who was disturbing me.
It took me a moment to focus my eyes, and much longer to comprehend what I was seeing. What I saw still gives me the gooseflesh even now, 20 years later! In the pale moonlight that fell through the windows of the car I clearly saw a shape sitting in our car. My mind refused to believe it was real, because how could it possibly have got inside the locked car? Yet what was in the car with us was no apparition, it was solid, because I felt its weight on my blanket and pressing against me. Because I couldn't believe what I saw my mind went in denial at first. And who would blame me for not wanting to believe what I saw?
Right by the gear stick, near my belly sat a gigantic fox. It had reddish fur, just like an ordinary fox, but that was the only ordinary thing about this "fox". For it sat on its haunches like a human being. Its head was unusually large for the body and not as pointed as a fox' head usually is. The fox being was bending forward towards me and still had one paw resting on my cheek. I could feel its sharp claws pressing against my skin. Its dark eyes were glittering intelligently as it stared me straight in the face, watching and waiting -- for what I don't know. Its mouth was partially open, revealing an arsenal of very sharp and pointed teeth and a large lolling tongue. And worse, the strange creature positively grinned!
This alone would have been enough to freak most people out, but what I found even scarier was the aura emanating from the fox being. There was something very human about this fox. The way it sat was very human-like and so was its whole manner. It seemed to be something between a human being and animal, a bit of both yet neither. Also, there clearly was great intelligence in the dark eyes that regarded me with a calculating look. Until this moment I had stayed perfectly still. Partially this was due to my eyes needing to focus first when I came out of my sleep, and my brain needing time to shake off the drowsiness and register what was going on. For about a minute the fox and I stared at each other while neither moved. Then it dawned on me that a strange and maybe dangerous being was inside the car, a being with pointed teeth and claws sitting almost on top of me, and grinning right in my face. Consequently I let out a loud scream.
We went inside the church and prayed for a while even though neither of us followed the Christian faith. But we both believed God is One beyond the many forms and names. I have prayed in all kind of temples and places of worship, and believe that God is everywhere and will hear me as long as my prayers are sincere. And so we meditated and prayed for some time, then we lit a couple of candles and left the church. By now it was near dusk. As we were on a low budget and still hadn't found a place to sleep, my partner suggested to park the car somewhere and sleep in the car for one night. Across the road from the church was another building, the only other building in the area that I can remember. It appeared to be a library but it was closed. We parked the car there and talked for a while in the car. It was a peaceful place with the library giving shelter on one side and nature and many trees around. It was nice being in a nature area and not in a city for a change. I have always hated cities, the noise and pollution, and the many hectic minds. Being in nature is like a healing balm for my soul. Though camping would have been my preference, I was okay with sleeping in the car for one night.
Darkness came really quickly. A breeze came up and the wind swayed the trees. Suddenly I became very afraid. Something didn't feel right, something scary and supernatural was around. In the dark the trees loomed like monstrous shapes. My imagination was running wild and I began to "see" things. I recognised this as my magical frame of mind and immediately tried to curb it. Because I knew from experience that my thoughts have the power to call and manifest beings and that was the last thing I wanted out there in the dark and in the middle of nowhere. I was terrified when I had to leave the car for a pee, even though I stayed very close to the car and my partner. This unreasonable fear was very unusual for me as I normally thrive on adventure and sleeping outdoors. Quite often during our travels my partner was the one who was worried about camping in lonely places. He always muttered about psychopaths and used to sleep with a knife under his pillow, just in case. I never worried a thing and always found his behaviour quite amusing. The oppressive and scary feeling grew to a near intolerable level. I hurried to get back inside the car. I said nothing of my fears and premonitions to my partner as I didn't want to freak him out.
After locking the doors from the inside we settled down to sleep: my partner on the back seat and I across the two front seats. It was difficult for me to find a comfortable position as the gear stick was in the way. We stuffed some clothes in the gap between the two seats to make it more comfortable, but I still couldn't find a comfortable position and was tossing and turning for a long time while my partner snored happily. Finally I too managed to fall asleep. I must have been really tired because I immediately fell into a very deep dreamless sleep. By nature I am a light sleeper and the slightest sound or anything unusual will normally wake me up immediately. But not that night...
Something disturbed me in my deep sleep. Something scratched across my right cheek. It felt as if fingernails were being raked over my cheek while something soft and furry tickled my nose. The feeling was similar to my cats pawing my face and maybe that was why I at first ignored it. Also, I was too tired to be bothered. But then it came again, insistent and quite demanding, scratching over my cheek and my nose. This time the scratching was mildly painful. But I was still too drowsy to rouse myself. When for the third time I felt something scratching over my cheek and something fluffy tickling my nose I got annoyed and slowly opened my eyes to see who was disturbing me.
It took me a moment to focus my eyes, and much longer to comprehend what I was seeing. What I saw still gives me the gooseflesh even now, 20 years later! In the pale moonlight that fell through the windows of the car I clearly saw a shape sitting in our car. My mind refused to believe it was real, because how could it possibly have got inside the locked car? Yet what was in the car with us was no apparition, it was solid, because I felt its weight on my blanket and pressing against me. Because I couldn't believe what I saw my mind went in denial at first. And who would blame me for not wanting to believe what I saw?
Right by the gear stick, near my belly sat a gigantic fox. It had reddish fur, just like an ordinary fox, but that was the only ordinary thing about this "fox". For it sat on its haunches like a human being. Its head was unusually large for the body and not as pointed as a fox' head usually is. The fox being was bending forward towards me and still had one paw resting on my cheek. I could feel its sharp claws pressing against my skin. Its dark eyes were glittering intelligently as it stared me straight in the face, watching and waiting -- for what I don't know. Its mouth was partially open, revealing an arsenal of very sharp and pointed teeth and a large lolling tongue. And worse, the strange creature positively grinned!
This alone would have been enough to freak most people out, but what I found even scarier was the aura emanating from the fox being. There was something very human about this fox. The way it sat was very human-like and so was its whole manner. It seemed to be something between a human being and animal, a bit of both yet neither. Also, there clearly was great intelligence in the dark eyes that regarded me with a calculating look. Until this moment I had stayed perfectly still. Partially this was due to my eyes needing to focus first when I came out of my sleep, and my brain needing time to shake off the drowsiness and register what was going on. For about a minute the fox and I stared at each other while neither moved. Then it dawned on me that a strange and maybe dangerous being was inside the car, a being with pointed teeth and claws sitting almost on top of me, and grinning right in my face. Consequently I let out a loud scream.
Spooked
Instantly the fox spirit disappeared. It
didn't slowly fade and pass through the car door. It just dematerialised: poof! I sat up in shock, and so did my partner whom I
had roused with my scream. I told him that something was in the car and
what I had seen. We switched on the light but there was nothing to be
seen. The doors were still locked from the inside as they had
been before we had fallen asleep. My partner probably thought I just had
a bad dream. But this was no dream. I had seen the fox spirit so
clearly and I had felt its claws raking over my cheek, had felt the
tickling of its fur on my nose. I was terrified and my body was ice
cold. We immediately began to chant Sanskrit slokas to chase away any
evil spirits, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that the fox spirit
was still there in the car with us. I told my partner that under no
circumstances would I stay in this place. I was absolutely terrified and
so my partner started driving towards the nearest urban area. I didn't
feel better until I saw street lights and houses, and even then I still
felt that the fox spirit was in the car with us or following us. On the
physical side I was freezing cold and I was unbelievably hungry.
We went into a bar and ordered a cup of tea and some sandwiches. Everything felt very unreal, even when we were in the environment of the bar. There was a man with a black cat in that bar. The cat apparently accompanied him everywhere he went. I thought that was very amazing and stroked the cat. It was a lovely intelligent cat. The tea and the sandwich made me feel warmer and more grounded. I was just starting to relax when the man with the cat became involved in a violent argument with another bar guest and they started to fight. The cat, terrified by the noise ran out of the bar and away. When the fight stopped and all had calmed down I talked to the man again, expressing my worry that he might have lost his cat for good. "No, he knows his way home," the man said. Outside a drizzling rain had started and for some reason I was terribly sad. I can't even remember how we spent the rest of the night. I think we stayed in the bar until it closed, then sat in the car until the morning light came.
We went into a bar and ordered a cup of tea and some sandwiches. Everything felt very unreal, even when we were in the environment of the bar. There was a man with a black cat in that bar. The cat apparently accompanied him everywhere he went. I thought that was very amazing and stroked the cat. It was a lovely intelligent cat. The tea and the sandwich made me feel warmer and more grounded. I was just starting to relax when the man with the cat became involved in a violent argument with another bar guest and they started to fight. The cat, terrified by the noise ran out of the bar and away. When the fight stopped and all had calmed down I talked to the man again, expressing my worry that he might have lost his cat for good. "No, he knows his way home," the man said. Outside a drizzling rain had started and for some reason I was terribly sad. I can't even remember how we spent the rest of the night. I think we stayed in the bar until it closed, then sat in the car until the morning light came.
The Mystery Remains
The incidence with the fox spirit brought up a lot of questions for me. First of all, what had the fox being wanted from me? If it had wanted to harm me, surely it wouldn't have had to scratch my face three times to wake me up first. If it had wanted to drain my energy, like vampires do, surely it could have done that easily while I was in deep sleep. The only logical answer I could come up was that it wanted to warn me of something, and therefore it had woken me up. Many churches are built on leyline points and crossings of leylines and there is much earth power in these places. Often the local spirits were abused as sacred groves where cut down, and sacred places of Pagan worship defiled. Also, many churches, including that one, are surrounded by graveyards. And where there is a graveyard, there are spirits roaming at night. So maybe something more dangerous was lurking in this place and the fox came to warn me.
However, the fox spirit didn't exactly look like a guardian angel or a "being of light". Would I classify it as a benign being? No. Somehow I felt it was neither wholly good nor evil, or maybe just beyond such mundane distinctions. With its sharp claws and teeth it could certainly have drawn blood, and it was physically solid, as I felt its weight against my body, its claws and fur on my face. I have often wished that I could go back to that moment, when the fox spirit and I stared each other in the face. I wish I hadn't screamed but asked questions or tried to communicate telepathically. But in those days I still had a lot of Christian conditioning binding my power, and the fact that something had managed to pass through closed doors and was touching me in the middle of the night in a dark place, was just too much for me then.
In this respect I have changed a lot. Shamanism and magick as well as Yoga have helped me to go beyond a lot of the judgement that we automatically apply to something strange or alien we meet. The inexplicable isn't scary anymore, but exciting and a great adventure. But what I would really like to know is whether other people have seen this fox being also, maybe even in the same area, and what their experiences were. Please e-mail me if you can shed some light on the story! There is nothing that fascinates me more than a mystery and I haven't solved this one yet!
However, the fox spirit didn't exactly look like a guardian angel or a "being of light". Would I classify it as a benign being? No. Somehow I felt it was neither wholly good nor evil, or maybe just beyond such mundane distinctions. With its sharp claws and teeth it could certainly have drawn blood, and it was physically solid, as I felt its weight against my body, its claws and fur on my face. I have often wished that I could go back to that moment, when the fox spirit and I stared each other in the face. I wish I hadn't screamed but asked questions or tried to communicate telepathically. But in those days I still had a lot of Christian conditioning binding my power, and the fact that something had managed to pass through closed doors and was touching me in the middle of the night in a dark place, was just too much for me then.
In this respect I have changed a lot. Shamanism and magick as well as Yoga have helped me to go beyond a lot of the judgement that we automatically apply to something strange or alien we meet. The inexplicable isn't scary anymore, but exciting and a great adventure. But what I would really like to know is whether other people have seen this fox being also, maybe even in the same area, and what their experiences were. Please e-mail me if you can shed some light on the story! There is nothing that fascinates me more than a mystery and I haven't solved this one yet!
The Dancing Fox
_Since then I have acquired a fox power animal and had several experiences of seeing foxes in the woods. On one occasion a wild fox allowed me to come very close to it, and again we looked at each other for a long time before it slowly turned around and left. But this was clearly an ordinary fox, a wild animal, not a spirit being. Then, when I began to work with the Goddess Hekate, one day she took me to a place in the woods that was sacred to her. In that place I found the skull of a young fox. I normally don't like bones or bone magick at all, but I took it with me and it is on my Hekate altar now, connecting me with the Goddess. Foxes are sacred to Hekate, you see. And so it all comes full circle. Maybe the protection of the fox was the protection of the Goddess, which has been with me for all my life. If somebody hadn't watched over me I probably couldn't have survived the kind of childhood I had. The fox as a guardian and warning of danger also makes sense in respect of another strange encounter I had with fox.
And this one might very well have been another fox spirit because it too behaved more like a human being than like a wild animal. This happened in 2004 when a good friend and I went on a trip to take part in shamanic medicine ceremonies. As we left the village where I lived a fox crossed our path. However, it didn't walk on four legs, like foxes usually do, but it walked or rather danced (!) across the road on its hind legs. I immediately stopped the car. Instead of disappearing in the bushes on the other side of the road the "fox" turned back and crossed the road again, still on its hind legs all the way, still dancing its strange dance. Again it reached the far side and yet it didn't run, but turned around (it actually pivoted on its hind legs) and crossed the road for the third time dancing on two legs.
My friend only called out "how cute, oh how cute!" multiple times, but I knew immediately that this was an omen and that the fox had given us warning. As the fox means cleverness and cunning to me I concluded that we had done something stupid or had to be more clever. So I asked my friend whether she had her passport, driver's license, money, etc, whether she had forgotten something important at home, but she insisted she had packed up everything. I even made her check, but everything seemed okay. I then drove very carefully. In spite of my caution we got lost twice on the way to the airport and almost didn't make it on time. Finally at the check-in counter, when we thought nothing could go wrong anymore, it turned out my friend's passport had recently expired! She wasn't permitted on the plane and had to follow on a later flight. There followed multiple problems with that flight and the rest of her journey also. Once again, the fox had given us fair warning. Who knows, maybe without its warning I would have driven faster and we would have come to harm. As it was, all ended well. My friend lost some money for paying a second flight and some nerves over the whole story, but she did make it to the medicine ceremonies and had her entities extracted in the end. From now on I will definitely pay more attention to fox when it shows up in my life!
And this one might very well have been another fox spirit because it too behaved more like a human being than like a wild animal. This happened in 2004 when a good friend and I went on a trip to take part in shamanic medicine ceremonies. As we left the village where I lived a fox crossed our path. However, it didn't walk on four legs, like foxes usually do, but it walked or rather danced (!) across the road on its hind legs. I immediately stopped the car. Instead of disappearing in the bushes on the other side of the road the "fox" turned back and crossed the road again, still on its hind legs all the way, still dancing its strange dance. Again it reached the far side and yet it didn't run, but turned around (it actually pivoted on its hind legs) and crossed the road for the third time dancing on two legs.
My friend only called out "how cute, oh how cute!" multiple times, but I knew immediately that this was an omen and that the fox had given us warning. As the fox means cleverness and cunning to me I concluded that we had done something stupid or had to be more clever. So I asked my friend whether she had her passport, driver's license, money, etc, whether she had forgotten something important at home, but she insisted she had packed up everything. I even made her check, but everything seemed okay. I then drove very carefully. In spite of my caution we got lost twice on the way to the airport and almost didn't make it on time. Finally at the check-in counter, when we thought nothing could go wrong anymore, it turned out my friend's passport had recently expired! She wasn't permitted on the plane and had to follow on a later flight. There followed multiple problems with that flight and the rest of her journey also. Once again, the fox had given us fair warning. Who knows, maybe without its warning I would have driven faster and we would have come to harm. As it was, all ended well. My friend lost some money for paying a second flight and some nerves over the whole story, but she did make it to the medicine ceremonies and had her entities extracted in the end. From now on I will definitely pay more attention to fox when it shows up in my life!
Copyright © Avalon Sakti Tiamat, 27.03.2010
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