Dreams
of
Mystical Nature
Foreword
The reason I
am making some of my dreams public is in the hope it may help the
global awakening and evolution of consciousness. My dreams are personal
and very private to me and publishing them is a big step for me, a step I
make with love and trust but not without a warning: I retain the common
law copyright of this material. No publication or use of this material
is permitted unless with my express prior written permission, and then
only respectful and helpful use is allowed. I will be the judge of
whether I like the use or not and can withdraw my consent any time.
Furthermore, I do not give permission to be "analysed" or psychologically evaluated. I am a seer, a psychic, a shaman and a Yogini and therefore my dreams are different from the dreams of people who do not have these gifts. Much of what I dream comes from the Goddess and is given to me in symbols that make sense to me, though they may make none to you. Anybody who is abusing this material to do me harm, in any way will get trouble, if not legal then karmic. And yes, I do know how to cast a baneful spell and I will if forced to! Besides, the spirits and the ancestors protect me, as well as the gods, and it would be wise not to annoy them... LOL
Also, my dreams are not politically correct and I am not going to edit them to suit emotional pansies. When I write a dream down I try to put as many descriptive adjectives in as possible, because that will help me later to recognise patterns. So I may write: a tall man, or a fat man, a dark haired woman, a blonde woman, a black man or a white man. Just because I notice these differences does not mean I do not respect people. The beauty of this earth is in its diversity which should be preserved and enjoyed, rather than judged and levelled to a grey goo of humanity as the New World Order seeks to do.
This whole political correctness is just stifling our freedom of expression and open dialogue among the People. We may notice that somebody has a different skin colour, eye colour, hair colour, is tall or thin or fat or short, but that doesn't mean that we don't love them or respect them. And yes, I have heard hate speech and racist speech against me for being white and for my nationality -- and guess what? I shrugged it off, annoying as it was. Some people are just narrow minded and ignorant, can't help it. And it won't get better by locking everybody up who says something silly. Try laughter instead and be above it!
None of my dreams or the things I write are intended to hurt anybody. I am a straightforward woman, maybe even blunt. Though I spare people's feelings whenever possible, the truth needs to be spoken. Truth is my highest ideal and I aspire to being a truthful woman rather than being a popular polite liar!
May you always walk in truth, in love and in peace.
Enjoy!
Furthermore, I do not give permission to be "analysed" or psychologically evaluated. I am a seer, a psychic, a shaman and a Yogini and therefore my dreams are different from the dreams of people who do not have these gifts. Much of what I dream comes from the Goddess and is given to me in symbols that make sense to me, though they may make none to you. Anybody who is abusing this material to do me harm, in any way will get trouble, if not legal then karmic. And yes, I do know how to cast a baneful spell and I will if forced to! Besides, the spirits and the ancestors protect me, as well as the gods, and it would be wise not to annoy them... LOL
Also, my dreams are not politically correct and I am not going to edit them to suit emotional pansies. When I write a dream down I try to put as many descriptive adjectives in as possible, because that will help me later to recognise patterns. So I may write: a tall man, or a fat man, a dark haired woman, a blonde woman, a black man or a white man. Just because I notice these differences does not mean I do not respect people. The beauty of this earth is in its diversity which should be preserved and enjoyed, rather than judged and levelled to a grey goo of humanity as the New World Order seeks to do.
This whole political correctness is just stifling our freedom of expression and open dialogue among the People. We may notice that somebody has a different skin colour, eye colour, hair colour, is tall or thin or fat or short, but that doesn't mean that we don't love them or respect them. And yes, I have heard hate speech and racist speech against me for being white and for my nationality -- and guess what? I shrugged it off, annoying as it was. Some people are just narrow minded and ignorant, can't help it. And it won't get better by locking everybody up who says something silly. Try laughter instead and be above it!
None of my dreams or the things I write are intended to hurt anybody. I am a straightforward woman, maybe even blunt. Though I spare people's feelings whenever possible, the truth needs to be spoken. Truth is my highest ideal and I aspire to being a truthful woman rather than being a popular polite liar!
May you always walk in truth, in love and in peace.
Enjoy!
Lessons of the Flower and the Fawn 25/10/2009
There
was a flower with a shining emerald coloured blossom. It was to be
planted on a mountain meadow in a remote wilderness area, not by a
gardener but by higher beings and according to divine plan. I could see
the place in my mind's eye clearly. But the thought that the plant was
to go there saddened me, for who would see the flower in such a remote
place? And it would be the only one of its kind in that place, living a
lonely existence. And why had the flower not chosen a colour that would
stick out from the green of the grass, such as a bright yellow or white
or pink? I thought its beauty would be in vain if not noticed. It was
certainly a very unusual flower with a shining green crystalline blossom
but I questioned God's plan in making it green.
Then I was in this remote wilderness area, on that mountain meadow that I had seen in my mind's eye. The green flower had already been transferred to here by some higher power. I noticed there were many flowers with yellow blossoms in that beautiful wilderness. I could not find the green flower at first, but I knew it was around somewhere. And then several women came to the area and began to pick flowers. They picked all the yellow flowers and then they left. The meadow, which before had been dotted with bright yellow flower highlights now was just a boring uniform green. I felt sad about all the yellow flowers having been picked, their lives cut short.
As I walked through the tall grasses that reached up to my hips I wondered about the special flower. For a moment I saw myself as if a part of me was outside observing. I was very slender and looked young (as I had been at around 19 years of age). I wore a khaki coloured tunic that reached just above my knees, tied with a golden sash. Then I was back in my body again. I could feel the dew of the long grass soaking through my leggins. I made my way through the tall grass undulating in the wind in search of the special flower. My thoughts must have drawn me to it, for I found it soon after. It stood untouched and unhurt in a sea of green grass. Finding it had been near impossible, about as likely as finding a needle in a haystack. Yet I had found it just by following my heart which drew me to it.
The flower had grown and was much taller now, its blossom much bigger. It didn't have ordinary flower petals, but the entire blossom was one large shining green emerald. It was the most supreme of all the flowers, of unsurpassed beauty and yet it hid itself well appearing ordinary at first sight. I was relieved to know it was still there. Now I knew why the flower didn't boast with its beauty. It protected itself by appearing as ordinary when in fact it was supreme and the best of all flowers.
By the side of the mountain meadow was a woodland area. As I was walking along the borders of the woods I noticed a small fawn lying in the shorter grass just at the edge of the forest. The fawn was unusual for its colour was cream, almost white, dotted by muted tawny spots. It looked so peaceful there in the grass. But then a child of about 10 years came and saw the fawn. She walked all the way up to the fawn which lay there innocently and trusting and kicked the fawn hard in the side. It flew through the air and landed some distance away, obviously in pain. I winced at such cruelty and walked up to the child to confront her. "Why have you done this? This innocent creature has done you no harm!" I asked her. But she only shrugged her shoulders and walked away staying on the outskirts of the forest. I walked over to the fawn and found the young deer was not seriously hurt. Then I went after the girl who had walked quite a bit further in the meantime.
Just when I had caught up with the girl a big wolf emerged from the forest. It didn't seem to be an ordinary wolf but a werewolf. It threw itself on the girl who screamed and was knocked over by the wolf. I hit it with a branch and fended it off. While it was dazed I grabbed the girl's hand and we ran back towards the open area of the meadow. At first I thought the wolf had given up but then it came after us. It was catching up with us quickly. The fear made me remember my powers. I embraced the girl and flew up in the air, hovering about 5 m above the ground. To my surprise the wolf launched itself in the air with a mighty leap. I would never have thought it could reach us so high above the ground but it did! Everything happened so fast I could not react and yet it seemed I was watching as if in slow motion as the werewolf slammed into us. It bit the girl and tore her from my grasp. I felt the impact on my body too, but I was unhurt. But there was no help for the girl. From my higher vantage point I noticed the small fawn still lying in the grass. The wolf had not gone after the deer but after the girl. It almost seemed as if her act of cruelty had instantly rebounded on her and there was nothing I could do. I was sorry for her but the lesson was very clear: the cruel find a cruel end. And the meek may suffer for a while but will endure and prosper. The fawn lay peacefully in the sun.
Then I was in this remote wilderness area, on that mountain meadow that I had seen in my mind's eye. The green flower had already been transferred to here by some higher power. I noticed there were many flowers with yellow blossoms in that beautiful wilderness. I could not find the green flower at first, but I knew it was around somewhere. And then several women came to the area and began to pick flowers. They picked all the yellow flowers and then they left. The meadow, which before had been dotted with bright yellow flower highlights now was just a boring uniform green. I felt sad about all the yellow flowers having been picked, their lives cut short.
As I walked through the tall grasses that reached up to my hips I wondered about the special flower. For a moment I saw myself as if a part of me was outside observing. I was very slender and looked young (as I had been at around 19 years of age). I wore a khaki coloured tunic that reached just above my knees, tied with a golden sash. Then I was back in my body again. I could feel the dew of the long grass soaking through my leggins. I made my way through the tall grass undulating in the wind in search of the special flower. My thoughts must have drawn me to it, for I found it soon after. It stood untouched and unhurt in a sea of green grass. Finding it had been near impossible, about as likely as finding a needle in a haystack. Yet I had found it just by following my heart which drew me to it.
The flower had grown and was much taller now, its blossom much bigger. It didn't have ordinary flower petals, but the entire blossom was one large shining green emerald. It was the most supreme of all the flowers, of unsurpassed beauty and yet it hid itself well appearing ordinary at first sight. I was relieved to know it was still there. Now I knew why the flower didn't boast with its beauty. It protected itself by appearing as ordinary when in fact it was supreme and the best of all flowers.
By the side of the mountain meadow was a woodland area. As I was walking along the borders of the woods I noticed a small fawn lying in the shorter grass just at the edge of the forest. The fawn was unusual for its colour was cream, almost white, dotted by muted tawny spots. It looked so peaceful there in the grass. But then a child of about 10 years came and saw the fawn. She walked all the way up to the fawn which lay there innocently and trusting and kicked the fawn hard in the side. It flew through the air and landed some distance away, obviously in pain. I winced at such cruelty and walked up to the child to confront her. "Why have you done this? This innocent creature has done you no harm!" I asked her. But she only shrugged her shoulders and walked away staying on the outskirts of the forest. I walked over to the fawn and found the young deer was not seriously hurt. Then I went after the girl who had walked quite a bit further in the meantime.
Just when I had caught up with the girl a big wolf emerged from the forest. It didn't seem to be an ordinary wolf but a werewolf. It threw itself on the girl who screamed and was knocked over by the wolf. I hit it with a branch and fended it off. While it was dazed I grabbed the girl's hand and we ran back towards the open area of the meadow. At first I thought the wolf had given up but then it came after us. It was catching up with us quickly. The fear made me remember my powers. I embraced the girl and flew up in the air, hovering about 5 m above the ground. To my surprise the wolf launched itself in the air with a mighty leap. I would never have thought it could reach us so high above the ground but it did! Everything happened so fast I could not react and yet it seemed I was watching as if in slow motion as the werewolf slammed into us. It bit the girl and tore her from my grasp. I felt the impact on my body too, but I was unhurt. But there was no help for the girl. From my higher vantage point I noticed the small fawn still lying in the grass. The wolf had not gone after the deer but after the girl. It almost seemed as if her act of cruelty had instantly rebounded on her and there was nothing I could do. I was sorry for her but the lesson was very clear: the cruel find a cruel end. And the meek may suffer for a while but will endure and prosper. The fawn lay peacefully in the sun.
The Abominations and the Word of Unmaking 04/03/2010
I
was walking outdoors in a nature area. I passed over meadows in the
vicinity of a forest. Somebody had put up a simple corral, such as one
would use for keeping cattle. The forest began just behind the corral. A
movement attracted my attention. At first I couldn't see what it was,
only that it was the colour of dead wood, a dull lifeless brown. Then to
my horror I recognised the brown moving thing as a gigantic serpent.
The reptile was at least 30 m long. Its head did not look like any
serpent I had ever seen. There was something ancient, almost prehistoric
about it. Its skin was dull and had warts and moles, or maybe it was
just leaves and pieces of earth stuck to it. For some reason I didn't
fear for my safety but was alarmed about the size and alien look of the
serpent. What kind of being was this? And where had it come from? I
wondered. Suddenly the serpent crept into the corral. Only then did I
see that the corral wasn't empty. But it wasn't any sheep or cows that
were kept there, but a hideously deformed creature, something out of a
Frankenstein lab. It looked as if somebody had tried to create a new
type of cattle by gene manipulation or cloning. The resulting creature
was hideously ugly and the very sight made me ill and filled me with
revulsion. It felt as if every cell in my body and my spirit was
insulted and violated merely by the presence of this abomination. The
gigantic serpent suddenly jumped forward at lightning speed, bit the vile
creature and then wrestled with it. It was a violent fight but it ended
with the victory of the serpent which devoured the creature entirely. I
felt an acute sense of relief and gratitude towards the serpent.
Without any fear or hesitation I continued my journey, going deeper into the wilderness. I came to a tribal area. The people living there seemed to be a tribe of Native Americans, though I couldn't say whether they were Natives of North or South America. The Chief was an older man with a weathered face but quite strong. He was living in a hut made of woven reeds, with a thatched roof and open on one side. He was standing in his hut and talking to somebody when something very strange happened. A white wolf suddenly materialised. It came jumping through the woven back wall of the hut. Like a ghost it passed through the wall, leaving no hole. A bluish light surrounded the white wolf which launched itself at the Native Chief knocking him over. Immediately after that a large brown bear broke into the hut. Because there was a low wall blocking my view I couldn't clearly see what was happening. There was lots of growling and screams as the two wild animals mauled the Chief. I am not sure that I was physically there, because it didn't occur to me to interfere, I was just observing. Finally it became quiet. The two animals had disappeared. Then the villagers came and found the remains of the Chief. There was loud wailing and lamenting as the villagers realised that their Chief had been killed. There was also great confusion and people expressed their worries about what would become of them now that they had no Chief to guide them.
A small group of villagers came to take the Chief for burial. I could not see his body from my vantage point as there was a small wall between me and the remains of the chief. His remains must have been very badly mauled and torn, because even the hardened warriors could not look upon them for longer than a few seconds, then they averted their eyes in horror. They discussed among each other what to do now because nobody was willing and capable to pick up the grisly remains. From what I overheard it seems both arms had been cut off. "We have to bury him or evil spirits will come!" somebody said. "But nobody will touch this horror!" another commented. It must have been really bad, I thought to myself if those villagers who had seen death many times were so shaken by it. But it had to be done. I didn't relish to take part in the gruesome task but I stepped forward then and said, "I will carry one of the arms!" The mere thought made me sick, but I knew if I could focus my mind on something else I could do it. And so I bravely stepped forward. Several of the villagers, shamed that an outsider and a woman could do what they dared not stepped forward also to volunteer for this grisly task. Together we carried the pieces for burial and cleaned up the mess.
Then I moved on, accompanied by two women who were my friends or companions. We were on a quest to make an end to the evil that afflicted the land. Our journey was long and led over vast plains. On the way we were attacked by evil creatures. They appeared as animals at first, but they weren't natural at all. They were man made, gene manipulated abominations that had no soul. They wanted to rend our flesh and tear us limb from limb. I could feel their malice and their evil thoughts, their blood lust. As they came for us I automatically launched myself in the air to escape them. Then I remembered my friends. I couldn't leave them to the abominations. So I landed again and quickly picked them up. I wasn't sure whether I could fly while carrying two people. But I tried, and it worked though it was a lot more difficult. We then flew all the way to our destination.
It was the house of some very rich people. It was surrounded by walls and had inner court yards which made it appear almost like a fortress or castle. We managed to get inside the building and passed through several rooms unseen and were nearing our destination, a chamber in the heart of the building. I feel I might have used an invisibility spell or similar so we were not noticed. It worked well. In the inner chamber of the complex I had to perform a task which involved using several wands which I held in my hand now. The wands were about four or five in numbers. They appeared as ordinary sticks cut from a tree. The bark was still on them and they looked fresh, not dried out. On each one of the wands a number was carved. One of them had the number 9.1 on it. I can't remember what numbers the others bore, but I have a feeling the numbers were all magickal numbers such as 9, 11, 7, and 3.
The tension was rising as we approached the inner chamber. I held the wands before me like a talisman. One more thing to do to make an end to the evil, only minutes away from the fulfilment of our task, the suspension was immense. Holding the wands in the air before me I was about to open my mouth and speak the words of unmaking when suddenly a door opened on the other end of the chamber. The door had cleverly been built into the wall and I hadn't noticed it before. There was no time for all of us to flee. My friends made it out of the room before the door was fully opened. A man stepped inside and saw me. I used my mind power to make him think I belonged here. He gave me an order as to a servant, such as to bring a drink or leave him and clean somewhere else. I bowed so my hair fell forward and he couldn't see my face clearly, then turned and slowly walked out of the door, like a humble servant. I was disappointed that we couldn't finish the task. Now we may not get another chance, I thought. There was a feeling that we had only one shot at the task and it had just failed. As if there was a time window, which we had just missed, and this particular plan wouldn't be able to succeed now. We had to think of another way of accomplishing our goal.
Without any fear or hesitation I continued my journey, going deeper into the wilderness. I came to a tribal area. The people living there seemed to be a tribe of Native Americans, though I couldn't say whether they were Natives of North or South America. The Chief was an older man with a weathered face but quite strong. He was living in a hut made of woven reeds, with a thatched roof and open on one side. He was standing in his hut and talking to somebody when something very strange happened. A white wolf suddenly materialised. It came jumping through the woven back wall of the hut. Like a ghost it passed through the wall, leaving no hole. A bluish light surrounded the white wolf which launched itself at the Native Chief knocking him over. Immediately after that a large brown bear broke into the hut. Because there was a low wall blocking my view I couldn't clearly see what was happening. There was lots of growling and screams as the two wild animals mauled the Chief. I am not sure that I was physically there, because it didn't occur to me to interfere, I was just observing. Finally it became quiet. The two animals had disappeared. Then the villagers came and found the remains of the Chief. There was loud wailing and lamenting as the villagers realised that their Chief had been killed. There was also great confusion and people expressed their worries about what would become of them now that they had no Chief to guide them.
A small group of villagers came to take the Chief for burial. I could not see his body from my vantage point as there was a small wall between me and the remains of the chief. His remains must have been very badly mauled and torn, because even the hardened warriors could not look upon them for longer than a few seconds, then they averted their eyes in horror. They discussed among each other what to do now because nobody was willing and capable to pick up the grisly remains. From what I overheard it seems both arms had been cut off. "We have to bury him or evil spirits will come!" somebody said. "But nobody will touch this horror!" another commented. It must have been really bad, I thought to myself if those villagers who had seen death many times were so shaken by it. But it had to be done. I didn't relish to take part in the gruesome task but I stepped forward then and said, "I will carry one of the arms!" The mere thought made me sick, but I knew if I could focus my mind on something else I could do it. And so I bravely stepped forward. Several of the villagers, shamed that an outsider and a woman could do what they dared not stepped forward also to volunteer for this grisly task. Together we carried the pieces for burial and cleaned up the mess.
Then I moved on, accompanied by two women who were my friends or companions. We were on a quest to make an end to the evil that afflicted the land. Our journey was long and led over vast plains. On the way we were attacked by evil creatures. They appeared as animals at first, but they weren't natural at all. They were man made, gene manipulated abominations that had no soul. They wanted to rend our flesh and tear us limb from limb. I could feel their malice and their evil thoughts, their blood lust. As they came for us I automatically launched myself in the air to escape them. Then I remembered my friends. I couldn't leave them to the abominations. So I landed again and quickly picked them up. I wasn't sure whether I could fly while carrying two people. But I tried, and it worked though it was a lot more difficult. We then flew all the way to our destination.
It was the house of some very rich people. It was surrounded by walls and had inner court yards which made it appear almost like a fortress or castle. We managed to get inside the building and passed through several rooms unseen and were nearing our destination, a chamber in the heart of the building. I feel I might have used an invisibility spell or similar so we were not noticed. It worked well. In the inner chamber of the complex I had to perform a task which involved using several wands which I held in my hand now. The wands were about four or five in numbers. They appeared as ordinary sticks cut from a tree. The bark was still on them and they looked fresh, not dried out. On each one of the wands a number was carved. One of them had the number 9.1 on it. I can't remember what numbers the others bore, but I have a feeling the numbers were all magickal numbers such as 9, 11, 7, and 3.
The tension was rising as we approached the inner chamber. I held the wands before me like a talisman. One more thing to do to make an end to the evil, only minutes away from the fulfilment of our task, the suspension was immense. Holding the wands in the air before me I was about to open my mouth and speak the words of unmaking when suddenly a door opened on the other end of the chamber. The door had cleverly been built into the wall and I hadn't noticed it before. There was no time for all of us to flee. My friends made it out of the room before the door was fully opened. A man stepped inside and saw me. I used my mind power to make him think I belonged here. He gave me an order as to a servant, such as to bring a drink or leave him and clean somewhere else. I bowed so my hair fell forward and he couldn't see my face clearly, then turned and slowly walked out of the door, like a humble servant. I was disappointed that we couldn't finish the task. Now we may not get another chance, I thought. There was a feeling that we had only one shot at the task and it had just failed. As if there was a time window, which we had just missed, and this particular plan wouldn't be able to succeed now. We had to think of another way of accomplishing our goal.
Sacred Corn in the Jungle 24/04/2005
I
was participating in a workshop. The facilitator was an older, strict
looking woman. She had something of a school teacher about her. M. was
also there and another man from the shamanism course. I can't remember
who, but it could have been A.. In the beginning we had to spend several
days alone in the jungle. During that time I had some interesting
spiritual experiences. I slept on trees and started communicating and
talking to them. I thought nobody would believe the kind of things I
experienced. When we were all back we had to write about our
experiences. I thought the writing was just for our own records and
would be kept private.
Of course before we got down to writing we were all eager to chat with the others and see how they had been doing. I saw M., lying in the grass relaxing. I sat down next to him and we started talking. He was happy to see me and embraced me still half reclining. We ended up lying in the grass, I on top of M. It was totally innocent and natural. Our bodies melded, I actually sank into his body and we became one. It was a spiritual union. We were both fully dressed. When I came out of it again I noticed A. standing nearby watching us. He raised an eyebrow and I could see from his expression that he thought something s.exual was going on. I was a bit embarrassed and wanted to explain to him that it was not what he thought. But then I thought I do not need to explain myself. Let him think whatever he wants. I sat down and started writing my jungle experience. I wrote it all on one big piece of paper. At the end I added a paragraph about the experience with M.
The facilitator collected all the papers. I thought she just did so to make sure we had all done our 'homework'. I didn't think she would actually read them. But she sat down at a desk and started looking through them. To make it worse, she selected one and started reading it out loud to the whole group. It wasn't my essay but I was outraged. I thought those experiences were something sacred and very special. I didn't want mine 'evaluated' academically. I walked over to her desk and pulled my paper out forcefully from the stack.
"What are you doing?" the woman asked. "I am taking my paper back", I replied. "Why?" she wanted to know. "What I have written are my personal experiences and they belong to me alone." Well, we all share our experiences," she insisted. "Maybe that's okay for the others", I said. "But I don't want it. I am different from other people, have always been. I am different in a spiritual sense too. You would never understand my experiences and I am not willing to share them!" With those words I walked away, holding my paper firmly in my hand. I had a very strong sense that there was something fundamentally different about me, something alien almost. It often caused people to misunderstand and judge me. I no longer cared what people thought and was comfortable with who and what I was. But I had no mood to justify or explain myself. All I wanted was peace. I didn't need the facilitator, who had nothing to teach to me.
So I left and walked away into the jungle. The vegetation was very dense and lush. It was an exciting and magical place. I walked around in the jungle exploring for quite a while, feeling happy and relaxed. Then I came to a small but beautiful field of maize right there in the jungle. First I was surprised that corn would grow by itself in the jungle. I walked between the stalks in amazement and touched some of the leaves. It made me feel connected to the earth and the sun and all things. There was something magical and deeply spiritual about this particular corn field. Standing in the middle of the field I marvelled at its beauty and bounty.
What struck me then was the perfection of the plants. The leaves were dark green and healthy. There were no brown leaves, no sign of decay. Every cob of corn was completely filled with rich yellow grains. None were missing or unripe. Even the sheaths were perfect. I was overcome with a sense of wonder and happiness. I sensed that it was my field though I didn't remember planting it. It wasn't mine in the sense of ownership but rather represented an aspect of me, my spirituality. In touching the corn I felt I had touched the sacred. I was in a deep reflective state, when the silence was broken by the sound of hooves and harsh men's voices.
From behind the field, where the jungle ended, beyond a wire mesh fence, a group of riders approached. All were male and made a lot of noise. I had a thought they might think I wanted to steal corn if they saw me. Suddenly I felt it was extremely important to remain unseen and I ran and hid in the lush vegetation of the jungle. But the riders came into the jungle, searching for something. To escape from discovery I withdrew deeper into the jungle. As I lay behind a tree I saw a young black calf passing me by. It looked at me and I thought it was beautiful. Somehow the calf and I must have communicated, though no words were spoken. I knew it was a male calf and though it looked young it was fully mature and could mate. It had special powers, it told me, and therefore the evil riders were after it. It looked at me as if asking me not to betray it. It must have read my mind, that I would never betray it. Meanwhile the riders were beating the bushes with sticks and were coming dangerously close. The calf and I ran off in different directions.
The calf slipped away quietly while I made a lot of noise crashing through the underbrush. The riders followed the noise. I ran as fast as I could. At one point the only way forward was through a shallow pond or swampy area. Only the swamp wasn't filled with water but with cow urine. I was running fast and crashed through it, my feet slipping in the mud. The urine splashed up and I got wet all over. I didn't feel any disgust at all, in fact I remembered vaguely that cow urine was one of the 5 holy gifts of the cow, and was sacred. Passing through the swamp with cow urine enabled me to escape the riders. They went off in a different direction and further away until all the noise had faded away. I lay safely hidden between dense vegetation and relaxed. Then, for a short moment I got a glimpse of the calf peeking out between some plants and smiling at me.
Of course before we got down to writing we were all eager to chat with the others and see how they had been doing. I saw M., lying in the grass relaxing. I sat down next to him and we started talking. He was happy to see me and embraced me still half reclining. We ended up lying in the grass, I on top of M. It was totally innocent and natural. Our bodies melded, I actually sank into his body and we became one. It was a spiritual union. We were both fully dressed. When I came out of it again I noticed A. standing nearby watching us. He raised an eyebrow and I could see from his expression that he thought something s.exual was going on. I was a bit embarrassed and wanted to explain to him that it was not what he thought. But then I thought I do not need to explain myself. Let him think whatever he wants. I sat down and started writing my jungle experience. I wrote it all on one big piece of paper. At the end I added a paragraph about the experience with M.
The facilitator collected all the papers. I thought she just did so to make sure we had all done our 'homework'. I didn't think she would actually read them. But she sat down at a desk and started looking through them. To make it worse, she selected one and started reading it out loud to the whole group. It wasn't my essay but I was outraged. I thought those experiences were something sacred and very special. I didn't want mine 'evaluated' academically. I walked over to her desk and pulled my paper out forcefully from the stack.
"What are you doing?" the woman asked. "I am taking my paper back", I replied. "Why?" she wanted to know. "What I have written are my personal experiences and they belong to me alone." Well, we all share our experiences," she insisted. "Maybe that's okay for the others", I said. "But I don't want it. I am different from other people, have always been. I am different in a spiritual sense too. You would never understand my experiences and I am not willing to share them!" With those words I walked away, holding my paper firmly in my hand. I had a very strong sense that there was something fundamentally different about me, something alien almost. It often caused people to misunderstand and judge me. I no longer cared what people thought and was comfortable with who and what I was. But I had no mood to justify or explain myself. All I wanted was peace. I didn't need the facilitator, who had nothing to teach to me.
So I left and walked away into the jungle. The vegetation was very dense and lush. It was an exciting and magical place. I walked around in the jungle exploring for quite a while, feeling happy and relaxed. Then I came to a small but beautiful field of maize right there in the jungle. First I was surprised that corn would grow by itself in the jungle. I walked between the stalks in amazement and touched some of the leaves. It made me feel connected to the earth and the sun and all things. There was something magical and deeply spiritual about this particular corn field. Standing in the middle of the field I marvelled at its beauty and bounty.
What struck me then was the perfection of the plants. The leaves were dark green and healthy. There were no brown leaves, no sign of decay. Every cob of corn was completely filled with rich yellow grains. None were missing or unripe. Even the sheaths were perfect. I was overcome with a sense of wonder and happiness. I sensed that it was my field though I didn't remember planting it. It wasn't mine in the sense of ownership but rather represented an aspect of me, my spirituality. In touching the corn I felt I had touched the sacred. I was in a deep reflective state, when the silence was broken by the sound of hooves and harsh men's voices.
From behind the field, where the jungle ended, beyond a wire mesh fence, a group of riders approached. All were male and made a lot of noise. I had a thought they might think I wanted to steal corn if they saw me. Suddenly I felt it was extremely important to remain unseen and I ran and hid in the lush vegetation of the jungle. But the riders came into the jungle, searching for something. To escape from discovery I withdrew deeper into the jungle. As I lay behind a tree I saw a young black calf passing me by. It looked at me and I thought it was beautiful. Somehow the calf and I must have communicated, though no words were spoken. I knew it was a male calf and though it looked young it was fully mature and could mate. It had special powers, it told me, and therefore the evil riders were after it. It looked at me as if asking me not to betray it. It must have read my mind, that I would never betray it. Meanwhile the riders were beating the bushes with sticks and were coming dangerously close. The calf and I ran off in different directions.
The calf slipped away quietly while I made a lot of noise crashing through the underbrush. The riders followed the noise. I ran as fast as I could. At one point the only way forward was through a shallow pond or swampy area. Only the swamp wasn't filled with water but with cow urine. I was running fast and crashed through it, my feet slipping in the mud. The urine splashed up and I got wet all over. I didn't feel any disgust at all, in fact I remembered vaguely that cow urine was one of the 5 holy gifts of the cow, and was sacred. Passing through the swamp with cow urine enabled me to escape the riders. They went off in a different direction and further away until all the noise had faded away. I lay safely hidden between dense vegetation and relaxed. Then, for a short moment I got a glimpse of the calf peeking out between some plants and smiling at me.
Jaguar Trail to Shadow Beings 29/11/2006
I
was in a dense jungle, walking on a narrow mud trail that led alongside
a steep slope. To my right the slope rose up and to my left it went
steeply down. I walked along the path when I noticed footprints in the
mud. They were my own! I had come that way before, I realised. But near
my footprints and all around them I saw huge paw prints. These are
jaguar prints, I thought and was a bit scared. I examined the paw prints
and found they were fresh. The jaguar's paw prints were on top of my
footprints. From my knowledge of tracks I could determine that the
jaguar had come after me, and passed this way just recently. Also, it
seemed to have followed me, and had stopped to sniff at my footprints in
various places. My scent had aroused it and it had walked around in
circles over my tracks, treading with its paws like an excited kitten.
I looked over my shoulder to see whether the jaguar was there but couldn't see it. Though a bit scared, I continued my journey on the path. Wherever I walked, I found the jaguar had walked there too. I heard many jungle sounds, monkeys and birds, and among them the occasional roar of the jaguar. I felt uncomfortable and a bit frightened but I walked on, retracing my steps, following my own footprints, and the ones of the jaguar, my eyes always on the ground. I had walked for a while, getting deeper into the jungle, when I saw an object embedded in the mud. There was a single jaguar paw print on it. It was my leopard pattern wallet! I must have lost it when I came along the path earlier, I thought, a bit shocked. I picked it up, glad to have it back. It was strange how the jaguar had stepped on it, almost as if it had wanted to imprint its mark on it, or lead me to it. I continued on until the path ended.
Here I had to climb the extremely steep and muddy slope to my right. Though the slope was overgrown with dense vegetation, the ground was soft and slippery. I dug my fingers in the soft red mud, grasping any plants I could reach and pulled myself up with all my strength. My feet slipped on the soft mud, and so did my hands. My muscles were aching from the exertion, but I persevered and slowly made my way up the slope until I had almost reached the top. Here there was only one way forward, to crawl through a narrow muddy hole, or rather a tunnel. I squeezed myself through the narrow entrance and crawled forward. The tunnel widened slightly but was still narrow. I followed it until it curved and led straight upward. Here I had to pull myself up again by digging my fingers into the mud and inching my way up. It was very strenuous but finally I emerged from the tunnel.
My torso had already cleared the tunnel, but my legs were still in it. I looked around me and saw I was on a dark, wasted plain. There were hundreds of tall dark shadows in black cloaks standing around me, staring at me, crowding the hole I was emerging from. They looked a bit like the Dark Riders in Lord of the Rings. They were very tall, over two meters, and seemed to have no faces - at least none were visible under their hoods. I acted quickly and used my arms to push myself up and out of the hole, jumping to my feet. Without any fear and almost automatically, I raised my arms and fire sprang from my hands hitting a few of the dark figures. They went up in flames as if they were cardboard figures, setting the ones next to them on fire, too. In a domino effect the flames spread through the crowd of shadows and within seconds they all burned and disappeared. I could hardly believe that I had destroyed all of the shadows with just one blast from my hands. They had looked so threatening, but had been so insubstantial and unreal, so easy to destroy. 'It's all an illusion,' I thought.
Only now I became aware that near the hole, to my right, several other figures were standing. They had already been there when I emerged from the hole, but I had been too preoccupied with the dark shadows to take note of them. Though I couldn't see them clearly, I sensed there were several ones, and that they were also quite tall, but not dark. "Very good, you have done well!" one of them said, and the others nodded. I felt they had been assessing me, and that they were my teachers or guides. Clearly they had come here just to see how I would deal with the situation. I had a strong feeling that I had just been put to the test and had passed.
I looked over my shoulder to see whether the jaguar was there but couldn't see it. Though a bit scared, I continued my journey on the path. Wherever I walked, I found the jaguar had walked there too. I heard many jungle sounds, monkeys and birds, and among them the occasional roar of the jaguar. I felt uncomfortable and a bit frightened but I walked on, retracing my steps, following my own footprints, and the ones of the jaguar, my eyes always on the ground. I had walked for a while, getting deeper into the jungle, when I saw an object embedded in the mud. There was a single jaguar paw print on it. It was my leopard pattern wallet! I must have lost it when I came along the path earlier, I thought, a bit shocked. I picked it up, glad to have it back. It was strange how the jaguar had stepped on it, almost as if it had wanted to imprint its mark on it, or lead me to it. I continued on until the path ended.
Here I had to climb the extremely steep and muddy slope to my right. Though the slope was overgrown with dense vegetation, the ground was soft and slippery. I dug my fingers in the soft red mud, grasping any plants I could reach and pulled myself up with all my strength. My feet slipped on the soft mud, and so did my hands. My muscles were aching from the exertion, but I persevered and slowly made my way up the slope until I had almost reached the top. Here there was only one way forward, to crawl through a narrow muddy hole, or rather a tunnel. I squeezed myself through the narrow entrance and crawled forward. The tunnel widened slightly but was still narrow. I followed it until it curved and led straight upward. Here I had to pull myself up again by digging my fingers into the mud and inching my way up. It was very strenuous but finally I emerged from the tunnel.
My torso had already cleared the tunnel, but my legs were still in it. I looked around me and saw I was on a dark, wasted plain. There were hundreds of tall dark shadows in black cloaks standing around me, staring at me, crowding the hole I was emerging from. They looked a bit like the Dark Riders in Lord of the Rings. They were very tall, over two meters, and seemed to have no faces - at least none were visible under their hoods. I acted quickly and used my arms to push myself up and out of the hole, jumping to my feet. Without any fear and almost automatically, I raised my arms and fire sprang from my hands hitting a few of the dark figures. They went up in flames as if they were cardboard figures, setting the ones next to them on fire, too. In a domino effect the flames spread through the crowd of shadows and within seconds they all burned and disappeared. I could hardly believe that I had destroyed all of the shadows with just one blast from my hands. They had looked so threatening, but had been so insubstantial and unreal, so easy to destroy. 'It's all an illusion,' I thought.
Only now I became aware that near the hole, to my right, several other figures were standing. They had already been there when I emerged from the hole, but I had been too preoccupied with the dark shadows to take note of them. Though I couldn't see them clearly, I sensed there were several ones, and that they were also quite tall, but not dark. "Very good, you have done well!" one of them said, and the others nodded. I felt they had been assessing me, and that they were my teachers or guides. Clearly they had come here just to see how I would deal with the situation. I had a strong feeling that I had just been put to the test and had passed.
Werewolf Destroys Armies 23/04/2006
There
was a powerful werewolf in the building where I was. Everybody was
fleeing from it, or sought to hide. I was with another woman when the
werewolf approached the corridor where we were. I could hear it before I
actually saw it. I took the other woman by the arm and dragged her in a
chamber closing the door after us. There was a huge vat filled with
water in that chamber. The walls of the chamber were made of glass so we
could see what was going on in the corridor. I thought the werewolf
being like a wolf would not be able to open the door of the chamber, nor
would it be able to smell us if we were in the water. The vat seemed to
be the safest place from the werewolf. So I motioned to the woman to
enter the vat and got in myself. We dove under and stayed underwater. I
could breathe and speak underwater, but I tried to be very still, not to
move or make any sound, lest we be detected.
The woman was very scared, I could feel her fear. There was a lot of noise in the corridor and then I saw the werewolf coming close. It walked on two legs like a man, had shaggy fur, and was at least 2 meters tall. "Shit," I thought, "it's more like a man than a wolf. It could open the door with its hands." Our only chance now was not being detected. The werewolf sniffed and growled right in front of the chamber. The woman beside me whimpered in fear. I elbowed her to be quiet. The werewolf raised its head and listened. It seemed it had heard her. Then I don't know what happened.
Suddenly I was in another world, another dimension. Maybe I teleported there, I am not sure how I got there. I stood alone on a mountain overlooking a wide valley. There were mountains on the other side of the valley too, far in the distance. I knew I had to cross over to the other side, and there were many dangers, but I was not afraid. I knew that I was in another world. I was gauging the distance, getting ready for the dangerous journey ahead when two tall figures, male I think, showed up. They weren't human, though they roughly looked human, just taller. They greeted me. What they said I can't remember, but I know they were friendly and acted as guides, gave me advice or information, or encouraged me. Then I set out to descend to the valley and cross over to the other side. I travelled alone without any companions. I do not recall the journey but I know I reached the distant mountains and climbed them.
Then I was suddenly back in this reality, or some other reality altogether. Anyway, I was travelling between worlds all the time. Before me I saw big armies marching. The soldiers were parading in their uniforms and marching in tidy ranks. The werewolf I had seen earlier had grown to gigantic proportions. It stepped down on the marching soldiers with one foot and they died by the dozens. Wherever the werewolf stepped down fire sprung up and the life force was sucked out of the soldiers. They turned to dark shrivelled corpses, then they vanished within an instant. The other soldiers kept on marching, undisturbed as if nothing had happened, not even noticing the gaps in their ranks. This happened several times. I realised I was the only one who saw the werewolf and the evil it did. There seemed to be a spell on the soldiers so they didn't see what was happening. They should have wondered about the gaps in their ranks, but somehow they didn't.
I was in the midst of a great war almost like in Lord of the Rings. I observed what was going on but didn't interact yet. At the moment the side of evil had the advantage. The fiery werewolf seemed to be evil's major weapon. Nothing could stop it and nobody even perceived it or its actions. I wanted to warn the soldiers but they probably wouldn't have listened to me anyway. People were dying by the hundreds if not thousands and nobody noticed! I had a feeling that I had been given the gift to see in the Otherworld from which I had just come. I was the only one who could see what was really going on, all the others were under a spell and ran to their doom blindly.
The woman was very scared, I could feel her fear. There was a lot of noise in the corridor and then I saw the werewolf coming close. It walked on two legs like a man, had shaggy fur, and was at least 2 meters tall. "Shit," I thought, "it's more like a man than a wolf. It could open the door with its hands." Our only chance now was not being detected. The werewolf sniffed and growled right in front of the chamber. The woman beside me whimpered in fear. I elbowed her to be quiet. The werewolf raised its head and listened. It seemed it had heard her. Then I don't know what happened.
Suddenly I was in another world, another dimension. Maybe I teleported there, I am not sure how I got there. I stood alone on a mountain overlooking a wide valley. There were mountains on the other side of the valley too, far in the distance. I knew I had to cross over to the other side, and there were many dangers, but I was not afraid. I knew that I was in another world. I was gauging the distance, getting ready for the dangerous journey ahead when two tall figures, male I think, showed up. They weren't human, though they roughly looked human, just taller. They greeted me. What they said I can't remember, but I know they were friendly and acted as guides, gave me advice or information, or encouraged me. Then I set out to descend to the valley and cross over to the other side. I travelled alone without any companions. I do not recall the journey but I know I reached the distant mountains and climbed them.
Then I was suddenly back in this reality, or some other reality altogether. Anyway, I was travelling between worlds all the time. Before me I saw big armies marching. The soldiers were parading in their uniforms and marching in tidy ranks. The werewolf I had seen earlier had grown to gigantic proportions. It stepped down on the marching soldiers with one foot and they died by the dozens. Wherever the werewolf stepped down fire sprung up and the life force was sucked out of the soldiers. They turned to dark shrivelled corpses, then they vanished within an instant. The other soldiers kept on marching, undisturbed as if nothing had happened, not even noticing the gaps in their ranks. This happened several times. I realised I was the only one who saw the werewolf and the evil it did. There seemed to be a spell on the soldiers so they didn't see what was happening. They should have wondered about the gaps in their ranks, but somehow they didn't.
I was in the midst of a great war almost like in Lord of the Rings. I observed what was going on but didn't interact yet. At the moment the side of evil had the advantage. The fiery werewolf seemed to be evil's major weapon. Nothing could stop it and nobody even perceived it or its actions. I wanted to warn the soldiers but they probably wouldn't have listened to me anyway. People were dying by the hundreds if not thousands and nobody noticed! I had a feeling that I had been given the gift to see in the Otherworld from which I had just come. I was the only one who could see what was really going on, all the others were under a spell and ran to their doom blindly.
Copyright © Avalon Sakti Tiamat, 26.12.2010
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